when the dark passenger leaves
by factionbeforeblood
Summary: Spencer finds out about Toby being A. How will she react and will their love conquer this? " I certainly don't talk about it, but it's there always, this Dark Passenger. And when he's driving, I feel half sick with the thrill of complete wrongness. I don't fight him, I don't want to. He's all I've got."
1. Chapter 1

when the dark passenger leaves

The words echoed in her head over and over again. Her eyes filled with tears.  
Her legs started shaking she barely could stand on them.  
Her heart had broken into a million pieces and no one could ever pick the piece up and glue them back together. She couldn't believe what he just had said. _I'm A, I'm A._ She closed her eyes and gulped. She opened them and Spencer was still standing in the very room with him. He still had said the words that probably ruined her word. Ruined was such an understatement. How can you even describe the feeling when someone betrays you? When you finally have the strength to love someone more than anything on the world and with one sentence they shatter your world.  
" Spencer, " he said and took a step towards her. He knew it was a wrong move when she stepped back and put her hands in front of her.  
" Get away from me! " she said. Her voice wasn't steady.  
" Don't ever dare to get close to me, go away! " She yelled this time.  
Spencer couldn't control her tears anymore. They started falling down her cheek on the white rug,  
" How could you? " She sobbed. She let herself fall down on her knees.  
He wanted to put his arm around her; he wanted to feel her warmth like he did when they made love to each there for the first time. But he couldn't change what he had done. Even if he regretted it more than anything.  
Spencer put her hands in front of her face and used all her strength to get up.  
" Was this a game to you? Every time I kissed you? The times when I hugged you? The one time when we were upstairs in MY BED? Everything you did, you said. Was it all a lie just to get back at me? You're A. You have tortured me, my friends. And when I needed someone I always came to you, because you made me feel safe. But all along you were the one that was doing that to us. Why didn't you just kill me from the start, then all of it would be over. " She shook her head widely.  
" everything is a lie, " she whispered. " you're a lie! " She yelled. She stepped forward looked him right in the bright blue eyes, which were her weakness. And then she slapped him right across the face. She started hitting him on his chest while she cried her eyes out.  
" Spence, Spencer " he said and pulled her close. He put his arms around her tiny body. Just when she was about to give in she pulled back.  
" I told you to not let me go, I asked you to never let me go but you had done that already a long time ago hadn't you? Go away; get away from my friends and me. Leave Rosewood and don't look back. You aren't where you're supposed to be. I don't want to see you ever again. I even don't want to hear your voice. "  
She took a deep breath. " why- Why? Why did you do this to me? Why you? " She asked. The way she used her voice broke his heart into more pieces, he didn't think that was possible. Instead of trying to convince her that he fell for her along the way he just said one simple thing. " I'm sorry "

Revenge is what makes you blind. Revenge is a dark passenger that gets into your soul and wants to destroy the ones that made you once miserable. The dark passenger takes over your soul and does whatever it takes to accomplish that. Revenge is a confession of pain. The dark passenger is something that is willing to do things you actually never would. Everything is about getting back at what the other has done. Revenge is like digging two graves, one for your enemy and for you. With Revenge you never end up pleased. Once you begin you can't go back, at least that's what Toby thought. Revenge doesn't fix anything, it makes it worse. And at last when the dark passenger leaves you are left with nothing.

**Let me know if you'd want me to continue, sorry if there are grammar mistakes. English isn't my first language. **


	2. Chapter 2

Nothing hurts more than betrayal. The kiss of betrayal is always toxic and deadly. Especially when it's someone you were ready to trust your life to. But life is this. Life is full of terror, hurt, love, happiness, and loyalty. Pain demands to be felt, without it we wouldn't be human. Everything happens reason for a reason, at least that's what Spencer used to think. Maybe this was a beginning of something else entirely. Little did she know that at the end every thing she'd been through, with her friends, with Toby, every single tear was worth shedding and every heartbreak was worth it. Because at the end she couldn't have wanted it different.

" Spencer? " Hanna knocked on her door. She was Spencer curled up in bed and she could hear her sobbing.  
She walked over to her bed and sat down on the edge. She put her hand on her back.  
" Everything is going to be alright. I promise you. I saw To- I saw him leaving."

" He- He's gone? " she asked and sat. Hanna nodded her head.  
" It's done Hanna. A is gone. Nobody will hurt us again. A is gone, Toby is gone. " She sobbed and wrapped her arms around her best friend. She _needed_ comfort. She knew she'd die. She knew she couldn't handle it.  
" Sssh, it's going to be okay, please don't cry, " Hanna was unable to hold the tears back, too.  
Spencer shook her head wildly. " I trusted him, I loved him so much, I want to die. " she buried her face into Hanna's shoulder. Her tears soaked her best friend's top. Hanna brushed her hair.  
" You still have us. "

How could she possible trust anyone ever again? She didn't even trust her own friends. And from this day forward she decided nothing can be trusted. Not a friend, not a boyfriend, not even yourself. The persons you love the most will let you down. They will always leave you. But you have the stand strong and know how to continue your life. You have to forget it, move on. It's easier said then done, but if you won't do it the past will haunt you and you'll never learn how to live in peace. So that's exactly what Spencer decided to do move on. After she graduated Rosewood High with straight A's she wanted to major in pharmacy and open her own drugstore. She wanted to save people. She loved her roommate, it reminded her of Hanna, Aria and Emily.  
The first day she moved to her new home she used to hate, she was a know it all, a huge pain in the ass but later she just saw a replica of herself in Jane. She hadn't told her about A, but she'd told her about Toby. A boy who she used to love, someone she trusted with her life but he betrayed her. It had the truth to it. She started on her own, she started fresh and Spencer put the past behind her. This was the moment to shine, show what she was made of. She chose a school that had different faculties. This was her second year and everything was going to way it was supposed to. No drama, no A. A new beginning is always good, that's what her mother told her.

" You have got to be kidding me! " Spencer yelled when she found her favorite shirt under her bed that was in an unwearable condition. She ran down the hall and stormed into Jane's room.  
" Did you do this? " She tried to stay calm.  
" I wouldn't dare to, " Jane said while putting on her favorite tropical punch lip gloss. " I know that is you're home shirt. You wear that while you sleep. I don't get why, it looks like a man shirt, but yeah "  
She didn't have the strength to throw away the shirt Toby left her after their first time. She tried, but she couldn't.  
" Damn it Jane, I told you that you can wear anything but wear this. Or even touch it! "  
" I didn't touch it, Spence! "  
She threw her shirt to her; Jane caught it just in time.  
" fix it, now! " Spencer said and walked back to her room.

Classes, of course Spencer Hastings was the type of person who actually loved going to school. But sometimes even her thoughts wondered off. Mostly she didn't even know where to, but she just didn't listen anymore. That's what's so scary about the human mind, being alone with your thoughts.  
The bell made her jump up she grabbed her bag and met up with Jane in the cafeteria.

" Hey, you fixed it? " was the first thing Spencer asked.  
" I'm not answering until you tell me the meaning of the incredible shirt "  
" Jane, - "  
" Enough of Jane already, what's with the holy shirt. "  
" it was _his_ " she cleared her throat.  
" his? " Jane asked. " as in your father's? "  
" oh come on. "  
" What how the hell am I supposed to know who he is. "  
" Toby " she whispered saying his voice made her heart break all over again.  
" Oh, " was all she said. " I'm sorry, I really didn't know, "  
" It's okay, " it was not.

Spencer took a bite of her apple and a sip of her vitamin water. Jane was sitting across of her.  
" Don't you have class? " Spencer asked.  
" I do, but I don't feel like going. I'd rather sit here with you, "  
Spencer's eyes focused on a tall man. Everything about him was so familiar.  
" What is it? " Jane asked.  
Spencer shook her head, " nothing " her eyes were still on him.  
He turned around and Spencer's heart rate dropped. She stared right into his crystal bright eyes.  
" Oh my god, " was all she managed to say. She grabbed her bag from the chair but dropped all her books.  
She tried to pick them up as fast as possible but then she hit it to the table.  
" Woah, calm down, Spence " Jane said and helped her.  
" keep down, " she whispered.  
" why are we being so secretive? " Jane asked.  
He walked right past them and stopped when he saw them kneeled on the ground. " Need some help? "  
" no thanks, " Jane said. When he walked away, Spencer got up and looked at watched him walk the cafeteria out.  
" who was that? "  
" Toby Cavanaugh " she replied in a heart beat.

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	3. Chapter 3

" leave me alone, " Spencer murmured from under her blanket. " I. do. Not. Want to go to school. "

" Says the girl with straight A's " Jane had tried to make her get up for almost half an hour now, but Spencer refused.

She didn't want to see him again. She couldn't possibly see him again, she knew she'd crack.  
" I bet he's already gone, "  
" How do you know? "  
" Well, I don't think he'd be attending the university, now would he? "  
" yeah, I don't know… "  
" Oh god, get your lazy ass out of bed and go get ready or else you'd be late or even worse absent. You haven't been late or absent in your entire life, do you really want to ruin that? "  
Spencer gulped. " No way that is not going to happen, " she said and jumped out of her bed.

Spencer rushed through the halls of her oh so big school which se still got lost in. she so wasn't going to be late, no way she would let that happen. She froze when she turned around the corner.  
" _Oh dear lord_, " she thought.  
Toby was standing on a ladder fixing the school lights. He stretched out so his shirt wasn't covering his body. Spencer was able to see his tattoo.  
" Mrs. Hastings, are you just going to stand there or come into class? " her professor asked. Spencer's eyes widened, she hid around the corner as quickly as she could. " Damn it, " she whispered and carefully banged her head against the wall.  
" Hastings? " Toby asked and climbed his way down the ladder.  
" just a straight A student " he sighed. " she usually would never miss a class, weird. "  
" Mind if I know her surname? " Toby asked and wiped his hands off of his dark blue t-shirt.  
" No. No. No. No. No. Don't tell him please, " Spencer thought.  
" Spencer Hastings " he said and closed the door.

Spencer locked herself up in the ladies bathroom. She sat down on the tiles and leaned against the cold tiles. She buried her face between her knees and started crying instantly.  
" Spence? " Jane knocked on the door.  
" Please, please just go away " she sobbed then cleared her throat.  
" I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what happened and what that ass did to you in the past because I can tell that it isn't about him cheating on you or you had a fight and it pulled you apart. I'm not going to let him get to you like this, so you either tell me, open this door or I swear to the old gods and new I will go to him right now and ask him. "  
" Jane – " Spencer tried to protest.  
" Stop jane-ing me. Now open this damn door or I'll kick it open.  
Spencer secretly smiled in between her tears. She knew that this would be the start of something maybe good or the opposite but she could always count on her friend. She'd be always there for her.

She got up and unlocked the door. Jane closed the door behind her.  
" Spit it out. "

After 15 minutes Spencer was finally done explaining her past. Every cruel thing that had happened to her, everything she had been through with Toby, the good parts, the bad parts.  
" And then I told him to leave and I never saw him again… " She finished. It took her a lot of effort not to cry.  
" Come here, " Jane's eyes filled with tears and she wrapped her arms tightly about Spencer.  
" It's okay to cry, you know. You don't have to be brave all the time. "

And exactly then Spencer cried on her shoulder. It soaked Jane's blouse but she didn't mind.  
" Wha- What if he sees me? "  
" He won't get near you, I promise. "

Trust is earned not given, trust will mostly be used as a weapon against you. The Hastings used to say that trust is a weakness, trust is what will break you if you give it to the wrong person.  
Jane stopped when she saw Toby who was talking to a tall, dark brown haired guy, who she had never seen there before.  
" God only knows why he has to be here, " she murmured to herself. Just then she saw Spencer walk down the hall from the other end.  
" Uhm, hi! I have a question, I am new here and I have no idea where class room 123F. Could you maybe show me the way? " She asked trying to get Toby's attention. Spencer saw them and turned around quickly. She tried to walk away as calmly as she could but that wasn't that easy with all the adrenaline pumping in her veins.  
" I have no idea, I'm – " Toby's eyes focused on the girl with chocolate brown hair. He knew that back all too well.  
" Please I'm getting late " Jane said and stood in front of him.  
Toby carefully pushed Jane aside.

" Something wrong? " the stranger next to him asked.

Spencer tried so very hard not to turn around, but after a long struggle she turned her head. For the first time in several years she looked Toby Cavanaugh right in his crystal eyes.

" Spencer " Toby breathed. There appeared a small smile on his face.

" Spencer what? I don't know that wing! " Jane panicked.

" Dean, that's her " he couldn't believe his own eyes. Spencer got her thoughts back together and started to run.

" SPENCER! " Toby called after her. And started running after her.

She ran the stairs up and walked a class in.

She quickly sat behind the crowd and buried herself in books.

Just a minute later Jane had finally caught up with Toby. So had his friend who seemed to be called Dean.

" Where is she? " they could hear the agony in his voice. He opened a door after door after door.

" Do you even have the right to know? " Jane cracked.

" Excuse me? " Toby winced.

" Well, after everything you have put her through I would expect you to respect her right for not wanting to see you. "  
Toby put his head in front of his face and took a deep breath.  
" I don't know what she has told you but – "  
" what she has told me? I am her best friend she told me all about the stupid A crap, "  
" I think we should mind our own business and let them handle it, " Dean suggested.  
Jane rolled her eyes. " Oh please, I know you know what he has done, and I know you know it's not right. "  
" Please let me explain it's not what it seems like. " Toby said.  
Jane shook her head. " If you dare to hurt her, and if she doesn't want to see you, you leave immediately. Understood? "  
Toby nodded his head slowly. Jane pointed to classroom.  
" She's in there "

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	4. Chapter 4

Toby took a deep breath. And opened the door, the one thing that was between them. Everyone shifted their eyes on him. It took him a minute to find Spencer but when he did, Toby apologized to the proffessor and sat down next to her.

Spencer cleared her throat.

" Hi, " was all Toby said. Spencer didn't reply.

" Aren't you going to say anything? "

" What do you expect me to say? Hey Toby welcome back into my life. Are you going to earn my trust back and then give it away like I'm some piece of shit? Because it's Spencer she's strong and will get over it anyway? " She scoffed and pulled her stuff together and got out of her seat. Spencer stormed the class room out.

" Oh my god Jane! You told him where I was why would you even do that? " She bursted out to her best friend. Her eyes moved to the guy next to Jane.

" Who the hell is that? "

" Toby's friend, Dean " they said in choruse.

" We're going now " Spencer said and started walking. Dean grabbed Jane's arm. "

" Do you know how long Toby spent looking for her? Ages. Could you please give me her address? "

" Are you insane? No. "

" You heard him she didn't even let him explain. "

" I can't - "

" He was part of the A team. He was there is no denying that, but he wanted to get out. But he couldn't. "

" What are you his wingman? Look, I don't know you or him. So I have no idea who to trust. Just please leave me out of it. And you " she poked him in his chest.

" you should stay out of it, too. "

" I was the one who suggested that remember? " He smiled.

" gotta go " She said and followed her friend.

" He told me that he needed to explain things and I don't know maybe you didn't know the truth to it " Jane tried to explain.

" the- THE TRUTH? He told me with his own mouth. What other truth can be to it? "

Jane shrugged her shoulders.

" Dean told me that he spent a lot of time looking for you. "

" so you're friends with the enemy now?"

" Oh dear lord, " Jane whispered.

" You really should hear him out, you deserve to know the whole truth not just the wost part of it. "

Spencer's face turned red.

" I just don't know what to do. " she whimpered. She sat down on the couch and put her hands in front of her.

" What has to be, will be "

Spencer walked thriugh her school like everything in her life was butterflies and rainbows. Suddenly she saw him right across off of her. His eyes locked on hers.

" Spencer, " he said, there was a small smile on his face.

She looked to the ground and didn't reply.

" We need to talk "

" then talk " Spencer muttered.

" we should talk somewhere more private."

Spencer bit her lip. " I- I don't know "

She was scared to be alone with him.

" I'm not going to hurt you, again. I'd rather die. I am going to try everything in my power to get you back. "

Spencer hesitated. " I'm- can Jane come to? " She. Was. Terrified. To be alone with him.

" of course, then I'll ask Dean, too "

" great. " Spencer murmered under her breath.

Spencer had invited them to her home, she'd rather be here then in their house. Jane had cooked, tomato soup and ahe'd made famous burritos a la Jane. Spencer refused to help her with anything, because he didn't deserve the warm welcome.

" Aren't you going to get ready? " Jane asked.

Spencer rolled her eyes. " I am ready " she was wearing a plain white shirt and jeans. Her hair was down in a headband.

" Go put on a nice blouse, " Jane commanded.

" No "

" Spencer go get dressed in something decent, please don't make me come over there "

" ugh, fine "

Now, Spencer was wearing a simple red dress her hair was still down with a new headband.

" I thought he said they'd be here at 7 "

" It's freakin 7:03 " Jane said.

" so what? If he did want me to forgive him he'd be here at 6:59 "

" wow just wow. You know what just stop complaining okay? "

" yea mom, " Spencer said sarcastic and then the bell rang.

" You're quite the chef " Dean said when he took another bite of his burrito.

" Thanks, Spencer helped me. "

" No I did not, " She muttered.

Jane poked her in her ribs.

" either way, it's great. Thanks for having us. " Toby said.

" Yeah, didn't have a choice, now did I? "

Jane put her fork down, a little louder then she'd hoped.

" Spencer can you help me in the kitchen? " Spencer followed her.

" Yes? " she said and put her arms on each other.

" I need you to do one thing, stop whining or I'm goin to cut my ears off and be the new Van Gogh "

" Whining? I do not whine "

" oh really. Three guesse who am I? " Jane said and tried to pretend to be her.

" Just one night. Go sit back and answer his questions like a normal human being. And then you'll ask questions too because that is how conversations are formed. "

After an hour they were all sitting in the living room. Of course, Spencer hadn't said a decent word.

Toby rubbed his hands together and cleared his throat.

" The reason why... Why I was in the A team, "

Spencer looked him straight in the eyes.

" was because of what Alison had done to me. I wanted revenge, and it was like my body got controlled by this other person. By a dark passenger. It wasn't right to punish you for what she'd done, but you guys never stopped her. I never did anything, the big A, didn't tell me to do anything until the day you showed up at my porch - "

" Shouldn't we go somewhere else? " Jane interrupted him, meaning herself and Dean.

" No. " Spencer said abruptly.

Toby took a deep breath.

" but then when I was meant to hurt you, I couldn't because I got to know the real Spencer Jill Hastings. You trusted in me when nobody else did. And just like how you fall asleep I fell in love with you; slowly and then all at once "

Spencer's eyes filled with tears.

" I tried to get out. I swear I did. It hurt me to see the pain, sorrow and fear in your eyes. But then the big A gave me a warning, that's when I fell down the roof.

I took a distant with them and they tried to tear us apart. A wanted me to stay away for good, but I couldn't so I came back. Pretending not to love you was really the hardest thing I have ever done. I never hurt you. I never did anything to harm you or your friends. I always said no. "

Spencer wiped the tear on her cheek away. Jane looked at Toby with puppy eyes.

" Why- Why hadn't you told me before then? Why didn't you tell me when you fell in love with me? " she sobbed.

" I think we should go, now " Dean whispered and grabbed Jane's arm. She didn't want to leave but gave in because he was a lot stronger than she was.

" I was scared. " Toby replied simply.

" of what? "

" of losing you "

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**for those who asked my native language, it's Dutch **


	5. Chapter 5

" Can I please have a large coffee? " Spencer asked when she was on her favorite place on earth, Starbucks. It was save to say that she bled caffeine. Her hair was in a messy bun. She was wearing her The Wanted sweater and black sweatpants. Usually she wouldn't even dare to go outside like this, but Jane was going on and on, on how she should give Toby a chance to prove himself. But Spencer's head and heart were at war.  
" Good morning, " Dean said, Spencer didn't know that the Starbucks was nearby his and Toby's apartment.  
" What are you doing all the way down here? "  
" Jane talks too much, I needed to get away "  
" Ah, you find her annoying? "  
" Absolutely not. I love her she's my best friend. "  
" Yeah, she's nice, " was all he said.  
" You might want to go now, " Dean said.  
" Why? " Spencer asked confused.  
" Cavanaugh can come any time. "  
Spencer smiled, " thanks for the heads up, but I think that if I keep avoiding him nothing's going to get better. "  
" So, may I hear you're plan? "  
" I'm going to the exact opposite of what every nerve in my body tells me to do. Wait and talk. " Just then Toby entered.  
" Hi, " he smiled instantly when he saw her beautiful face.  
" Hello " Spencer said.  
" I'm going to get some coffee, " Dean said and left.  
" How are you? " Toby asked.  
" All right, I guess. "  
Toby cleared his throat. " Spence, I need to know if you can forgive me, because I can't live without knowing that you hate me, "  
Spencer took a deep breath. " I'll try to forgive you, I will really try my best, but Toby. " She took a pregnant pause. " I don't know if I'll be able to, "  
" I understand "  
" And for the hating part, I don't. But I don't feel anything towards you, I do not know what to think. "

Jane put her chestnut colored mulberry bag on the ground and put her Ipad on her lap.  
" Ipad, really? " Dean scoffed and sat down next to her.  
" What's wrong with my Ipad? " She asked.  
" I find the android tablet much better. "  
Jane burst into laughter. " Oh, puh-lease. Did you even use one like ever? The Ipad's screen has much more pixels, which makes the image sharper and clearer."  
" Woaah, you know stuff about electronics? "  
" And that's weird because…? "  
" Well you are – you are a woman. "  
" So what? You expect me to play dumb? "  
" That is not what I meant. " Dean tried to explain, but Jane interrupted him.  
" That is exactly what you meant and trust me I got used to it. I bet you use a Samsung galaxy then. "  
" How did you even know? " He asked flabbergasted.  
" Oh lord. SHAME ON YOU " she said and hit his arm a little harder than she wanted to.  
" I have spent weeks to convince people to buy IPhones and I promise to the old and new gods that I will convince you too. "  
" New gods and old? " Dean laughed.  
" Shut up, it's a game of thrones thing. "  
" So you're a TV fanatic too, is there anything else that I don't know about Jane van Buren? "  
" First of all how do you know my last name that is just creepy and yes lots of thing. For example do you ever mock about a fictional character I love more than myself? Then I'll probably shoot you in your sleep and second I get pretty fanatic to every thing close to my homeland – "

" Which is? "

" Netherlands isn't it obvious from my last name? Either way huge soccer fanatic over here too, "  
" Robin van Persie – "  
" Yeah yeah, he transferred to Manchester United, and who cares? He's still awesome. "  
Jane pulled her auburn hair in a pony tale. It made her brown, greenish eyes stand out more.  
" He betrayed Arsenal! "  
" betrayed my ass! He did what he wanted to. End. Of. Discussion. "

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	6. Chapter 6

Spencer slid into her tight red dress. That ended just above her knees. She held her hair up in a bun but then let it fell on her shoulder. She made duck faces just to see if it suited her, which did but according to her she looked like hooker.

Toby had asked her if they could eat somewhere, not a date. Just two of them together as friends. Spencer had hesitate for a long time but then she remembered the wise words of Jane: " put the past behind you " and she said yes. She'd been trying clothes for over an hour now, which wasn't anything like Spencer but she thought it wouldn't be more awkward if she wanted to look pretty.

" Yeah, if I were you I wouldn't wear that red dress either. It isn't really a second first date dress " Jane begged.

Spencer rolled her eyes.

" First of all this. Is. Not. A. Date. Second we neve really went on a real date. "

" First real date then. Nice "

" Not a date- "

" yeah yeah whatever. "

" I'm serious Jane. Just two friends hanging out, trying to put the past behind them. " she said almost tearing up.

" Well, that's good. I think "

" I hear you like someone Janey-poo "

" LIES! and what the heck Janey-poo? I thought that would finally be over when I moved away from my grand mother. "

" Janey-poo is cute, it's a cute nickname and seriously though Hastings never lie " she scoffed.

" Oh don't they, well sherlock I can prove you wrong now. "

" Oh can you really? I didn't know that a human being could dig into their own emotions and not lie about it because they don't want their friend to mock them about it. "

" you don't mock a friend when they like somebody. Just like how I don't mock you, you should learn from me. And that is a sentence I had never thought I would use. "

" aha! I got your point and by the way I don't like anybody. "

" so you're not in love with T. Cavanaugh "

" you said like not love, there's a big difference between like and love. "

" you used or you still say that you hate him, but Iron Maiden said that there's a thin line between love and hate. "

" not true, einstein. The quote there's a thin line between love and hate is an adage it's also used as there's a fine line between love and hate. "

" hey hey, smarty-pants! Don't you change the topic. Toby and Spencer sitting in a tree: K-I-S-S-I-N-G First comes love,then comes marriage,then comes babyin a baby carriage! "

Spencer grabbed her pillow from her bed and threw it to Jane. " You're such a kid! "

Spencer was sitting across of Toby. At last she decided to wear he dark blue dress. It wasn't dared but it wasn't a boring dress either. It was safe to say that the pain in her stomach was killing her. The nervousness in yiur belly you get when you go on a first date was. Killing. Her.

They had eaten dinner and desert, now they were just sitting and awkwardly staring at each other.

" So what are you studying? " Toby asked trying to start a conversation.

" Bio medical science "

" Why? I always thought of you becoming a lawyar "

" just because my parents kind of forced me into that direction doesn't mean i have into it. "

" that's the Spencer I know " Toby smiled.

It made the butterflies in her stomach even worse.

" I just like helping people you know. And I love to just analyse things. Solve the problem then you safe lives. Have you done anything else? "

" Nope, I travelled a lot. I got lots of good paid jobs and eventually one of them led me to you. "

Spencer's cheeks turned red.

" You haven't changed a bit, " Toby said and looked her straight in her chocolate brown eyes.

" Can't say the same to you, Cavanaugh."

Toby laughed. " I have changed? " he asked surprised. " how? "

" Well, your hair is shorter. Your eyes are more blue. You have a new attidude. You've changed in a good way, i hope "

" I tried to let it go. But I realized I had let it go a long time ago. "

" I'm doing my best to believe you and I want to believe you so much that I'm almost lying to myself. I'm just scared, I'm so scared that at the end I'll be alone again and been lied to. "

Toby gently brushed her fingers with hers. Spencer's eyes moved to their hands and for a moment she didn't know what to do.

She replied his touch with a smile.

"You need to give me a chance. " Toby whispered that it was almost imposaibe for Spencer to hear. She could hear the sadness in his voice. She'd be lying to herself if she said she didn't.

" Alright, I have an idea. " Spencer said and sat up straight.

" We're going to start from the beginning. There will be no talking if A. Nor the past. Nothing. "

" I like that. "

" Hi, I'm Spencer Jill Hastings. " Spencer said and put out her hand for him to shake.

" Tobias Cavanaugh " He replied and accepted her hand. When they touched Spencer swore she could feel an electric surge rush through her whole body.

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	7. Chapter 7

" You. Are. Kidding! " Jane yelled at the top of her lungs. The excitement was killing her.

" I knew that something good would come out of you and Toby dating again " her hands were shaking and she could barely stand on her legs.

The big smile on Spencer's face didn't fade.

" oh dear lord, I am going to see Nathan Sykes. " She fanned herself and ploffed on the couch.

" Jane " Spencer coughed.

" is this a dream? Are we really going to see the wanted? Please pinch me. "

Jane strechted out her arm and did what she was told.

" OUCH! That was an expression, fool "

" I am going to see Nathan Sykes " she said again. It wasn't easy to cope with the fact that Toby was taking them and Dean to the concert of the wanted as a second date with Spencer. He thought it would be nice if he asked her friend too, just because he knew how they loved them. And well Dean would be there the accompony her while he and Spencer were talking. He bought the last minute tickets and tomorrow night they'd be hearing them.

" I - " Jane tried to speak but it was impossible for her to make correct sentences.

" sex god " was all she managed to say.

Spencer bursted out into laughter.

" Nathan Sykes is a sex god " Spencer corrected her.

" I don't even- What am I supossed to wear? " Jane freaked out.

" I have never ever been to a concert in my whole life. "

" I'd settle for jeans and our wanted shirts. " Spencer suggested.

" oh gosh, you're so smart. I knew I became friends with you for a reason, " she joke and opened her closet. Spencer rolled her eyes and sat down on Jane's bed.

The closet was filled with dresses and skirts. There were barely any pants.

She grabbed five of her the wanted sweaters and put them on her bed.

" Okay so we have the the wanted on the front the text is I found you and a picture of them on the back. A Nathan one with his sexy face on the front and it says; I'd love to kiss you and tell you you're the one on the back. " Spencer couldn't help but laugh.

" Then there's the one with Tom. There's a big ass pic of him on the back and on the front it says be my angel. Oh look at that there's Max. " it was impossible notti notice his picture. " and this one says; Baby, I'll help you get up from an all time low. Here's my cutey-pie Siva and of course the back says; we're sitting in the backroom, learning things they don't teach in the class room. Last but not least " Jane said out of breath. " Jay. And this one says; I'll be with you in your high and low. The choices " she sighed.

" Personally I'd bring all of them and change like every half an hour " Spencer said.

" You want me to leave find a bathroom change and go back? Those minutes I get to spend near them I will not go to the freakin bathroom and lose precious time. I am not going to change in the crowd, now am I? " Jane said. " or will I? "

" Oh Jane please be kidding! " Spencer said and put her hands in front of her face. " What?! If I'll stand there in my bra I'll have a bigger chance of them noticing me. "

" please be kidding please be kidding " Spencer muttered.

" Of course I am! Gosh. "

Toby's shoulder touched hers. It made her shiver when they were so close to each other. They were sitting in a park bench. Both of them hadn't have much to say. " You excited for tomorrow? " Toby broke the sulence like always.

" excited. EX- cited? That's like such an understatement. If there would be a word that meant much more than excited like I don't know, but I would definitely use it. "

Toby laughed. " I'm glad you like it "

" Like. Like it - " Spencer tried to say but Toby interrupted her.

" if there would be a word that meant much more than love you'd use that " he winked.

" exactly! It's not even funny you should expect some hard core fangirling. "

" I don't understand. Fangirling? "

" Urban dictionary describes it as and now I am really just literally saying what their description is: To make loud high pitched noises, this includes squealing, yelling, or talking so quickly that it doesn't sound like they are actual speaking a real language, or show their excitement for the object of their obsession though movement. This includes jumping glomping, running in circles, etc. Fangirling involves a lot of physical action unlike fanboying and can be quite annoying. One does not have to be a girl to start fangirling though most girls do. " Spencer took a deep breath.

" Oh god " Toby said.

" Should we be worried? " he asked.

" Very. Jane might do some crazy things. I apologize in advance. "

" That's okay, " Toby whispered and carefully put his hands on hers.

Spencer's eyes moved to him instantly.

" I'll be fine since I will be with you. "

They just stared into each others eyes. Neither of them saying anything.

Then, rested her head on his shoulder. She closed her eyes and Toby counted the breaths she took. He kissed her hair.

" I love you, you know that? " Toby suddenly said. Spencer got up so quick that she didn't even know a person like her had so much speed in her body.

" What did you just say? " she wanted to be sure that her ears weren't lying to her.

Toby got up, too. " I love you, Spence "

" Oh no. That isn't weird at all. Toby it's been just a month and we started at the beginning like a week ago and now you're telling me that you love me? " she alsmost yelled.

" But I don't want to start from the beginning. In your heart I know you can fit one more. "

" Oh my god! Did you just seriously quote the wanted? I can't start from were we left do you want to know why? Because somebody broke my trust and trew it away like garbage. "

" Why can't you erase it? Remove all of the bad things? Why is it that hard for you to do? "

" Because they are bad things, Toby. Do you even hear yourself? " Spencer kept talking and talking but Toby didn't listen anymore. You know the second just before somebody kisses you how fast it happens and when it does you're completely lost? That's how quick Toby pressed his lips on hers.

His arm was around her waist and Spencer was standing in her tip toes. He swore he could feel her kiss him back. She pulled back as quick as he kissed her. " I- I wasn't expecting that "

**Don't forget to reviewww, please**


	8. Chapter 8

Spencer had buried herself in blankets and pillows. Her eyes were puffy, from all the crying. She was mad at him for kissing her. How did he even dare to? She was mad at herself for pulling back. She was mad at life. If she would have stayed a child she didn't have to deal with problems like this. Why did she needed to grow up? Why does everyone need to be in the stage of life that you just want to kill yourself because everything hurts? How would she even be her self around him, tomorrow?

Jane rubbed her hands together and looked on her watch.

" Oh my lord, 5 minutes. Five freakin minutes. " she said. You could hear the excitement in her voice.

" What is so amazing about them? " Dean scoffed and folded his arms.

" Are you serious? "

Dean nodded his head. " Spence would you mind giving him the answer? "

She looked at him like he had said something so stupid that he deserved to be punished. She was right but he didn't know.

" Everything " Spencer stated simply.

" Well, that escalated quickly. " Dean murmured.

Spencer was standing next to Toby but they barely talked.

" Uh, Spence? " Toby scratched the back of his head.

" I'm sorry for yesterday, I " he stuttered.

" I was caught up in the moment. "

Spencer looked him in the eyes, her weaknesses. But then the corner of her lips turned up.

" If you let it happen again then- "

Toby didn't let her finish her sentence.

" I won't. I promise, unless you feel the same way. "

The lights went off and the spotlights went on. Every fangirl started screaming so hard that Dean's ears almost exploded. Especially when Jane was standing next to him. Spencer was screaming too, but not half as much as Jane.

She couldn't even stand without moving.

" HELLO CALIFORNIA! " Siva's voice echoed through the speakers. They were all standing on the stage. Nathan was wearing his incredibly cute till death do us part shirt. " How's every body doing? " Jay asked. Everyone screamed amazing.

" That's good! " Tom smiled. His british accent made Spencer melt.

" Are you guys ready? " Max yelled through the microphone.

" I knew you were! " Nathan started.

" We have a few surprises for you. First we'll be doing our cover of dynamite by Taio Cruz and nothing by the Script! "

" Holy fuck, I didn't prepare for this. I might faint. " Jane said out of breath.

" I'll catch you " Dean whispered into her ear.

" Second, we'll be doing a meet and greet later and sign some stuff for you. "

This was the moment that Spencer knew her vocal chords would fail her tomorrow but she didn't care. Instantly she grbbed Toby's hand.

" Calm down guys, it's not over we have one more surprise! " Max said.

The crowd started yelling even more, Toby thought that that wasn't possible.

" We will also be welcoming a few lucky girls to the stage. They're going to get a goodie bag that contains each of our albums, signed! " Tom said.

" Oh, Dean please catch me " Jane gulped.

" Let's get started then! " Jaybird said.

" How about a little of lightening? " Siva suggested.

The music started and Spencer swore she was in heaven.

" AND THIS OUR COVER OF NOTHING BY THE SCRIPT! " Siva introduced the song.

Suddenly every one kept quiet and they just wanted to enjoy the moment.

" Am I better off dead?

**Am I better off a quitter?  
They say I'm better off now  
Than I ever was with her " Nathan started. His voice was an eargasm. He was angel that had fallen from heaven. **

Jane held Dean's arm tightly. Spencer was still holding Toby's hand. He didn't mind. He loved feeling the warmth of her skin. The chorus reminded Toby of yesterday, when he'd told her that he loved her. She said nothing.

Spencer squeezed his hand.

" This one's for everyone in love. For everyone who found her in his darkest hour. " Nathan said. And he began.

_**" She wants me to come over I can tell, her eyes don't lie**_  
_**She's calling me in the dark**_

_**She moves, I swear the room around her lights up like the sky**_

_**Confidence like a rock star " **_

Spencer and Jane both knew that Max was up next.

_**" I wanna put my hands on her hands feel the heat from her skin**_  
_**Get reckless in the star light  
**_**_I'm moving to the beat of her heart I was so lost until tonight "_ **

And then all there beauiful voices combined.

_**" I found you in the darkest hour**_  
_**I found you in the pouring rain  
I found you when I was on my knees  
And your life brought me back again  
I found you in a river or pure emotion  
I found you my only truth  
I found you and the music played  
I was lost, till I found you, you, you  
I found you, you, you " **_

_**" The night is getting older and I can't come off this high**_  
_**I don't want this here to end  
I know she feels the same cause I can see it in her eyes  
She says can we start again " **_Siva sang.

_**" I found you in the darkest hour**_  
_**I found you in the pouring rain  
I found you when I was on my knees  
And your life brought me back again  
I found you in a river or pure emotion  
I found you my only truth  
I found you and the music played  
I was lost, till I found you, you, you  
I found you, you, you " **_

" Toby? " Spencer said.

" Yeah, " he said.

" I know you. And- " She didn't really know what to say so instead she gently brushed her lips against his lips. They swore not to forget this song ever. This was what had brought them back together.

" They're good " Dean murmured.

" Dean 0 Jane 1. "

_**For those who don't know the Wanted, go check them out they are amazing. Nathan Sykes really is a sex god. please Don't forget to review**_


	9. Chapter 9

" Spencer! " Jane tried to call out for her friend but she had such a sore throat.

" I need a hot beverage! "

Spencer walked into her bed room. She was holding a blanket around her.

" oh get up! It's just a sore troath. I need to go anyway. "

" What? You're leaving me? I'm ill! "

" I. Am. Not. Doing. That again. " Spencer said and ran her room out.

" Do what? " Jane called out.

" The last time you were cough ill cough, you made me do everything for you. You made me sing soft kitty! "

" butbut that is how mommy used to do it."

" I invited someone to take care of you, " Spencer got dressed, she and Toby were going out for lunch.

" How- what- who? "

" D- uhm. Dean. "

" whyyyyy? " Jane moaned and put her pillow in front of her face.

" because "

" that isn't an acceptabel reason and out of all people you should know. "

" shut up I know you have butterflies in your stomach. "

" haha. " Jane didn't laugh but said it.

" He discusses everything. I yes no he says no. I say no he says yes. God sometimes I get the urge just to punch him in his face. "

" Do you really want to ruin that handsome face? "

Jane rolled her eyes. " i haven't laughed this much in my entire life " she said sarcastic.

" He likes you, you now "

Jane sat straight up instantly. Her pale face looked like a tomato.

" Lies. "

" Know we talk about this, you never had a boyfriend in these past years - "

" so haven't you. "

" yeah but I had Toby. Who did you have?"

" myself? "

" you haven't had a boyfriend? " Spencer rushed back to Jane's room.

" Well, I had imaginary friends Aurora and Phillip. Phillip and I were best budds forever. Can I call that a boyfriend? "

" No! "

" then I have never had a boyfriend. "

" Jane, you're almost 19! "

" so what? I didn't have time for fooling around. "

" do you even know how to kiss? "

" Will you teach me? " she pursed her lips together and pulled her eyebrows up and down.

* * *

Jane pulled the door open.

" Hello, sunshine. " Dean said and held up starbucks coffee.

" Hot beverage, " she said and pulled it out off his hand. " Thank. You "

They sat down on the couch in the living room. Dean rubbed his hands together. The light illuminated perfectly in his hazelnut colored eyes.

He put his hand through his hair. A perfect shade between blond and brown. As Jane called it: bronde.

" You. Are. A. Hero. " She said while taking a sip of her latte.

" I think it's save to say that you won't scream again. "

" Wrong. If I'll see the wanted again I'll scream my lungs out. " She showed him her lock screen. It was her and them. Her dream had come true.

" What do you want to do? " Dean asked.

" I want to watch a movie. Preferably a movie with Leonardo DiCaprio. "

" How about Romeo and Juliet that is like one of the decent ones. "

" Excuse me, have you forgotten about Titanic? "

" Oh, I've never seen that movie- "

" You- NEVER? "

Dean shook his head.

" You should be ashamed of yourself, that's it we are going to watch it. "

" It's alright, " Jane tried to comfort Dean.

" but they loved each other so much " he sobbed. He wiped the tears away with a napkin. " How come you're not crying. "

" Sweetie, I've seen this movie a million times and trust me my inside is crying ou of pain. They will be together again, in heaven. "

Dean shot her a glance.

" You're mocking me aren't you? " they both got off the couch.

" Nah. Yes, yes I am " she said and burst into laughter. " you cried! "

" Men can be sensitive, too. "

" Haha sure. When it suits you it's alright but any other moment a man says; " We are made of steel we do not show feelings " " she imitated at her worst.

Dean rolled his eyes. " I'm sorry but I really didn't cry. I had something in my eye. "

" yeaaah, sure. Uhuh. Of course. " Jane scoffed.

" Let's do something fun " Jane sighed.  
" Like what? "

" Let's make cupcakes! " she giggled like a little girl.  
" I'm really not the cooking type, " Dean complained.  
" please please, please "  
" fine, " Dean murmured.  
They both walked into the kitchen. Jane put all the ingredients they needed on the counter.  
" chocolate or strawberry? " she asked.  
" tough choice. But I'm going for chocolate "

" Did you know that I'll go crazy for chocolate? I'll die for it, so if you'd have chosen strawberry I would have made chocolate icing anyway?"  
Jane put milk, butter, eggs and flower into a bowl.  
" Come here, could you knead this? " She stepped aside so Dean could do his job.  
Jane opened a package of tony's chocolate and put it on a low fire so it would all melt, but not burn.  
" Let me see, " she said and felt the dough. " it's till a little hard. " She felt his muscles tighten against her arm.  
She grabbed some candy flowers she'd made herself. Jane pulled her auburn hair into a bun.  
" Those look amazing, " Dean said.  
"Thank you, I always have a few already made, in case I crave some. "  
" Wow, you made them yourself? You are really good, "  
Jane smiled. Her phone rang she she went to her bedroom to take it.  
Dean rushed over to the chocolate and dipped a spoon it. He smiled it then took a sip of the melted chocolate.  
" hot hot hot, " he said.  
" what are you doing? " Jane asked.  
" N- Nothing " He stuttered.  
" You have a little of chocolate - " Dean didn't let her finish her sentence.  
" what? "  
She walked closer to him and wiped the chocolate of the corner of his mouth with her finger. She licked it off.  
" I must say, this is good. "  
Just when she wanted to go he tightened his grip on her so she couldn't get away. They stared into each others eyes and didn't say anything. Dean rested his fore head on hers and breathed her scent in. He breathed so deep that her scent would be engraved in his brain.  
He brushed her cheek with her thumb. Their lips touched slightly. He pulled the hairpin out of her curly hair. Jane hesitated and pulled back. " I'm sor- "  
Dean grabbed her arm and twisted her around. Their lips crushed on each others.

* * *

Spencer put her bag on the chair next to her. She was sitting across off Toby and she didn't really know what to say because her stomach was mostly hurting. _Stupid butterflies who make you feel like you're flying._ She rubbed her hands together so they would get warmer. Toby looked at her and smiled.  
" What? " Spencer said, she was unable to hide to smile, too.  
" I never would have thought that I'd be here today, with the most amazing woman on the earth. " Spencer put her hand in his. He brushed her knuckles with his fingertips.  
" I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I would have ended up where I needed to be. " Spencer said while looking at the movement of their hands.  
" did you know that I had literally wished upon stars that I would see you again? " Toby asked.  
Spencer shook her head, " how? "  
" well, I was at this place. A hill and it was so for away from everything. From reality. From being alone. " the thought if it made him sad.  
" but I felt like I was closer to the stars. I felt like if I would stretch my arms out I would be able to catch one. Then a saw a falling star and I know you know what I wished for. I actually like the night, because if there would't be dark we would be unable to see those shining planets. And that they I knew that somewhere and sometime I would see you again and if I did I'd never let you go. "  
Spencer smiled.  
" Well, I'm glad you were there, because maybe the stars brought us back together. " she kissed him softly.

* * *

_**Don't forget to revieww! **_


	10. Chapter 10

Toby went through her soft brown curls with his fingers. She could feel the heat from his skin even though he was wearing a sweater. He pulled her closer in. Spencer brushed his cheek with her thumb. She hadn't felt this way since forever. Her heart was racing and she swore that it could break one of her ribs. She clutched to his dark blue shirt and didn't let go. He moved his lips to her forehead and placed a gentle kiss. " I missed you, " he murmured. Spencer felt his breath on her skin. " so much, " he finished. Spencer couldn't help but smile. He squeezed her hand just a bit.  
" Maybe we should go somewhere else. " Spencer bit her lower lip. " what did you have in mind? "  
Spencer didn't say anything she took his hand, " wait for it, " she replied.  
Spencer let go of his hand and smiled, then she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The place was filled with flowers, hundreds that maybe even Spencer Hastings didn't know the name of. It was sort of a park. Bird were chirping, the sun was shining bright and it was her favorite place on the planet. It made her feel at ease as if that was the only place where people couldn't judge her. They sat down on a wooden bench and just stared at each other, for a long time.  
" What? " Spencer finally said. The sun made her hair look lighter. Spencer could see her reflection in his bright blue eyes.  
" Nothing, " he responded. His eyes bore into her very soul. She'd always been a sucker for those.  
She placed her head onto his shoulder. " You know when someone looks at you like you're a broken dog, then I think there definitely is something. "  
" a broken dog? " Toby laughed and he moved his nails up and down her bare arm. It made her shudder. " I look at you like a fragile china plate. " Spencer breathed in his perfume.  
" What are you even talking about? " she asked, not understanding a single word of what he'd said.  
" Well, I think it of this way. If I lose you, again. If I hurt you one more time, I know you won't give me another chance and I cannot even bare thinking of losing you forever. "  
" Why - " Spencer began. " You're so good at saying what you think and what you feel. " She moved her head up, so their eyes would be at the same height. " you always use the right words and I can't do that. I wish I was as good as you at expressing myself. "  
Toby cupped her face. " Everyone's good at something, Spence. I don't think you can be good at everything, " Toby said.  
" Yeah well, the only thing I'm good in is knowing stuff. "  
" That is not true, " he removed a piece of her hair from her hair. " You're good in sports. " he kissed her temple.  
" You're good in being a friend, " he kissed her nose. " you're good in ki- " he didn't finish his sentence, but pressed his lips onto hers.  
Spencer let out a gasp of surprise, but then kissed him back.

* * *

Jane pulled back as soon as she realized that she was kissing Dean. She looked at him in big surprise and then hit him across his face.  
" What was that for? " he said.  
" For kissing me without even asking if you could! " she yelled. Her body was shaking. She could barely stand on her legs.  
" I need permission to kiss you? " he asked as if she were insane.  
" I guess so, since they're my lips! " She tuck a piece of her auburn hair behind her ear.  
" You're weird, " Dean said.  
" Sure, I'm the weird one. Why would you want to kiss me when we were doing just great as friends. "  
" I don't know maybe because I like you. " Dean replied.  
Jane didn't say anything for a while. She just looked at him.  
" Nobody likes me! Not in the I want to kiss her way! "  
" Why is it weird that I like you, Jane? "  
" Because I am 19 and I've never been on a date, I've never had a boyfriend. I've never even kissed anyone until now. " she said looking down to her feet.  
" And that is why you hit me? "  
" I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that, but I was just very surprised. I don't want to be more than friends, Dean. I can't. It's going to end, and then we're not going to be friends anymore and I just like the way things are between us. "  
" Why do you think that it needs to end? " he asked.  
" Oh god and now you want to marry me? " Jane put her hands in front of her face.  
" What? No. NO! I mean that if you were to get married I don't think you'd want to get married to a stranger or someone you'd never been more than friends with. " he said while grabbing his jacket from the couch.  
" Dean, wait " Jane called after him.  
" It's not going to get awkward now is it? " she asked playing with her fingers.  
Dean sighed. " No, of course not. "

**DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW, LOVES**


	11. Chapter 11

Hi guys! I know I suck I should have updated I'm sorry!  
but I was wondering if you guys are still interested in this story, because I got several messages if I would continue this story, so I'm asking you guys should I?

Love y'all, Elif


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